01 Johnson’s Mystical Oil
YOUNG BERT:
IS YOUR HEART HEAVY?
DO YOUR KNEES ACHE?
DOES YOUR BACK START TO CRACK ‘CAUSE YOU LACK
THE MEDICINE YOU NEED TO TAKE?
WELL, MY FRIENDS, JOIN ME,
AND YOU’LL HEAR TELL
OF A TRUE, OVERDUE THING THAT’S NEW,
GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOU WELL!
JOHNSON’S MYSTICAL OIL,
A CURE FOR EV’RY ILL.
YOUR MUSCLES ALL ACHE; YOU CAN’T HELP BUT SHAKE,
AT LEAST, THAT IS, UNTIL YOU TRY OUT
JOHNSON’S MYSTICAL OIL.
EACH ANCIENT CURE COMBINED.
IF YOUR PAIN IS CHRONIC, THEN THIS IS THE TONIC
YOU ALWAYS HOPED YOU’D FIND.
THE MOUNTAINS OF BURMA,
THE CAVES THROUGHOUT FRANCE,
THEY’RE TEEMING WITH WONDERS
YOU CAN’T HOPE TO GLANCE.
WE TRAVELED THE GLOBE,
OVERTURNED EV’RY STONE.
IT’S THE CURE-ALL THAT YOU’RE ALL
SO EAGER TO OWN.
SO TRY SOME
JOHNSON’S MYSTICAL OIL
TO CURE YOUR WINTER COLD.
IF YOUR VISION IS FAILING, YOU’RE NO LONGER AILING.
INSTEAD YOU CAN BEHOLD
A WONDER:
JOHNSON’S MYSTICAL OIL—
IT WILL PUT YOU RIGHT,
AND YOU’LL PUT AWAY THE APPLE A DAY
FOR A SPOONFUL EV’RY NIGHT!
THE DEAF ALL START HEARING.
THE WOUNDS ALL REPAIR.
THE RESTLESS ARE SLEEPING.
THE BALD ALL GROW HAIR.
THE DUMB ALL START SPEAKING.
THE MEASLES RETREAT,
AND THOSE WHO WERE LAME
BECOME FLEET ON THEIR FEET!
SO, RAISE UP YOUR BOTTLE.
YOU CAN FEEL SWELL,
AND YOU’LL SHOCK EV’RY DOC TILL THEY SQUAWK,
‘CAUSE THEY ONLY THRIVE WHEN YOU’RE UNWELL.
BUT YOU’LL HAVE
JOHNSON’S MYSTICAL OIL—
IT WILL PUT YOU RIGHT,
AND YOU’LL PUT AWAY THE APPLE A DAY
FOR A SPOONFUL EV’RY NIGHT!
THAT’S RIGHT! IT’S JOHNSON’S
CROWD:
JOHNSON’S!
YOUNG BERT:
MYSTICAL OIL—
A ONE-STOP TREATMENT PLAN.
THERE’S NOTHING ON EARTH YOUR HEALTH ISN’T WORTH,
SO BUY SOME WHILE YOU CAN!
ALL:
JOHNSON’S MYSTICAL OIL!
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